wait, the redesign wasn't a joke??!

NO, it wasn't!

A year ago Saturday, I officially bought the www.frozenoranges.com domain. On one hand, YAY, we all know I love anniversaries like none other. On the other (as it is only a one year buy) this means that I am running out of time to redesign as I'll be transferring my blog to Wordpress.

The transfer is going to be between 11p and 1a tonight (03/03/09), at which time my site will be down for maintenance. When I get it back up, it will officially be on Wordpress (and hosted by moi, not Blogger) but, frankly, will look like crap. It is temporary while Bill (my coding wiz) and I get together the new template, probably another week or 2.

I'm really excited about it and, so far, pretty happy with my design. I can't wait to finally have it up. I have been dying to redesign for months now.

I appreciate you're patience. Love you all!

so yummy, so yummy.

It's Sunday. It's been a very long week, I'm exhausted, and am running on somewhere between 2 and 4 hours of sleep. I'll cop out and post this really amazing video for you all. Enjoy, and happy March!

(Warning: do not watch if you're currently high or on acid.)

Yo Gabba Gabba! (There's a Party in my Tummy !)
by Materialiste

meda event: "panel of recovery"

MEDA held a very successful event last night called "Panel of Recovery." It was basically as it sounds: a panel of people who had an experience with eating disorders. There was a father, an ex-MEDA intern who was recovered, a recovered woman (one of my readers, Jen) and her husband. They were all very beautiful and hopeful stories.

The father's story (and his delivery) were scarily identical to my father and what he would say. The content, his body language.. if you were there last night, you met my dad and how we would talk about the process of my recovery from his point of view. Seriously.. it freaked my mom and I out.

If anything effected me last night, it wasn't so much the speakers as it was the reaction of the audience to their stories. There was a young couple across the aisle from me, probably somewhere in their early 20s. At some points, the girl would nod in agreement with the speakers' experiences and start to cry a little, and her boyfriend/husband (whatever) would put his arm around her and ask if she was doing okay. It was really beautiful. I get really excited when I see such supportive significant others like that. I always felt so lucky to have that kind of support throughout my recovery, as well. I know how hard it must be for boyfriends and girlfriends to watch someone they love go through that process and how easy it would be for them to give up. I see that all to often as well.

The turn-out was really great. They place was full with families and friends alike. My mom said she had wished something like that existed while I was struggling. It probably did, but you never know about it until you have to really get involved. Now we know.

Last night gave me some great ideas on how I want to write my story and a lot of motivation to just get it done already. I'm such a procrastinator, but I know I could be doing so much more of what I want if I would just get this one speech written.

communication is key.

For a relationship to work (to thrive, to grow), there needs to be communication. One lesson I have really had driven home in the past two years is how necessary communication is to maintain a healthy relationship, be it with a friend, a significant other, a roommate, or a family member. We all know this, but it can be difficult to really get a grasp on and it takes a lot of work. For any of us that have really put time into it, we know how much stronger a connection grows between two people when things are being talked about rather than kept to oneself. It feels great when everyone's on the same page, doesn't it?

Somehow, we seem to think that because we live within ourselves, there doesn't need to be communication. That would be considered "talking to yourself," which is wrong and makes you look like a crazy person, am I right? ..I'm so not. Talking to yourself is not necessarily talking out loud, although, that's also rather healthy for you (despite it not being a societal norm). Making out our concerns towards ourself and our lives is much easier for us to work out audibly than it is visually, like how "thinking out loud" is often necessary to really work through a thought.

With body image issues, especially eating disorders, there is a strong disconnect between the mental and the physical. Hunger/satiation cues are lost and confused and our body's needs are silenced to what our mind thinks we need. I often told my treatment team I felt like two people trapped in one body, which I now realize were the physical and the mental. Both were screaming bloody murder for things they needed and drowning each other out. Can you imagine if that's how you and your best friend tried to solve a problem? No one will ever be heard and no one's needs will be met.

I stumbled over a really beautiful blog tonight. It's called "letters to my body " and is written by an anonymous actress who struggled through years of Hollywood's poking and prodding at her body image and has decided to bring communication back where it matters. I thought it was such a genius idea. I can't believe this isn't used in treatment programs.

We need to start learning how to talk to ourselves again.

the more you know.

An interesting statistic, in honor of Eating Disorder Awareness Week 2oo9.

Treatment of an eating disorder in the US ranges from $500 per day to $2,000 per day. The average cost for a month of inpatient treatment is $30,000. It is estimated that individuals with eating disorders need anywhere from 3 – 6 months of inpatient care. Health insurance companies for several reasons do not typically cover the cost of treating eating disorders.

Courtesy of the South Carolina Dept of Mental Health.

meda events in honor of EDAW 'o9.

Hey, boys and girls. I've received a few e-mails looking for more information on MEDA's upcoming EDAW events. For information, please visit the Events page at MEDAinc.org. (If you click on the "FLYER" links, you'll see the flyers I've drawn up for the events.)

For a quick overview:

Monday, Feb 23

Panel of Recovery at Holy Cross College, Worcester MA

Exactly as it sounds, there will be a panel of speakers discussing their experiences with eating disorders.

Thursday, Feb 26

"The Thin Line" at BB&N High School, Cambridge MA

A one-woman performance (approximately 30 min) of an eating disorder, as seen from the patient, her best friend, her mom, and the "man" himself. A Q&A will follow the performance.

I, myself, will be working the Panel of Recovery event. I hope to see some of you there!

Feel free to e-mail myself for anymore information that may not be covered here or on the MEDA Events page.

messing with clean slates.

"Yeah, well, you're fat!" A pretty big burn for a second grader to deliver to a fourth grader. She looked a lot like me at her age: slightly runt-ish in comparison to the other kids with a very short stature and the kind of measurements that make your friends feel the need to grab your arm and tell you, "Oh my god, I could just like.. snap your wrist." That used to scare me. I thought they would actually try; kids love to experiment.

The fourth grader - and healthy, strong tennis player - made a face. "Am not!"

"That wasn't very nice," I said to the second grader, questioning myself. What am I promoting by saying this?

"Well, she is!"

She wasn't. But if she was, why is that still a terrible thing to say? If someone decided to comeback at me with, "Yeah, well, you're skinny," I wouldn't feel particularly offended. I am. It's a fact. I keep wondering where "fat" went from an adjective to the worst "f word" you could say around a person. Why has it become such a horrifying thing?

I couldn't help but wonder if the reason was because we teach children that it is. By me saying, "That wasn't very nice," I was really only enforcing the fact that calling someone "fat" is an insult. But she meant it as an insult, so, as the adult in the room, I had to tell her that wasn't appropriate to talk to her peer as such.

The line in body-image vocabulary is not a straight one. It's so frustrating to find where to draw it. It seems like every word is insulting to someone. Are we trying too hard to protect everyone from saying the wrong things?