Tuesday, December 18, 2007

leave your conscience at the tone.

i've deleted both aim and adium from my computer. they're toxic and i need to take a break from them. i could just...not sign on, but they would still be there for me to get on, and i couldn't handle the temptation. i am the person who will sit and read down everyone's away message. i'm the person that will try to have a serious conversation and not know if someone's just multi-tasking, or blatantly ignoring me. carissa can tell you that you can never tell what a person means by what, and we have many angry logged conversations to prove it. i need a break. i'm finding myself lacking real human interaction lately and i'd like to bring that back into my life. if people want to talk to me, they will actually need to call me. it's too easy for someone to start a conversation online, and then i lose the chance to actually communicate with them. and i need to have real forms of communication right now.
i've become too addicted to interacting with people through aim and facebook and myspace. even an e-mail is more personal than that. i liked being away from my computer when i was on Alcott because i got to hear human voices more often. i'm beginning to learn that people actually need to hear other people's emotions. it's a comforting thing to be able to hear the tone in another human being's voice.
my mom keeps saying i need to stay focused on my needs right now, so i think this will be good. don't worry, i couldn't part with it forever, but i'm trying to rebuild relationships with people and i really don't feel like such an important thing in my life should be done through a text box no matter how much you can emphasize your emotion with a ;) or 72 pt text.
if you want to talk or make plans, you know my number. if you don't, and we're friends, i'm sure you know someone else that does. oh, and texting is ok. that's not a conversational thing.. people usually just use it for "ugh, this class sucks", "nutrition group makes me want to kill myself" (thanks, mandy ;) and "wanna hang out?/i'll be there in 10." perfectly acceptable.

it's also much easier to write and get work done when i don't have 10 IMs popping up in front of me. i might actually get off my computer before 3am at night.

that's as into that as i'll get. you can go back to not taking me seriously for this ridiculous icon i wish i hadn't found. enjoy your night :)

1 comment:

thenewthirteen said...

Decided to comment on this random entry to say I love your blog solely because it of the "Rent" reference :-D I can relate to a lot of what you've said here...it's amazing (in a sad way) how these disordered thoughts affect so many people. It breaks my heart.

I'm glad to see that you are fighting the good fight though. The world needs strong, smart, people like you to be around for a long time.

Thanks for adding me to your blogroll (you'll soon find yourself in mine too) and for all your kind words.