Monday, April 28, 2008

my beautiful mommy...

...has a quote that has become more than famous under my parents' roof. "we're all gonna blow." i have been subjected to these four little words since my first memories and, after a while, they started to irritate me. i don't know if it was more the fact that she said it after every stupid fact of society that was announced, or that there were so many stupid facts of society to follow with it.

well, mom, here's your time to shine. such hard proof that "we're all gonna blow," it is actually all i could think of when i stumbled over this website. and now, my friends and devoted readers, i am convinced there is no stopping it.

this is the cover a new children's book that has come onto the market. look how excited the little girl is about her stick-figure mother with big boobs surrounded by sparkles and butterflies. but WHY is mommy so beautiful? i'm so happy you asked. it's because mommy had plastic surgery!

that's right, kids. mommy wasn't beautiful before, but thanks to a special "doctor", she's not only beautiful... she's socially acceptable! and if you're 4-7-years old, you can learn all about her surgery and understand why, one day, you won't be beautiful either unless you go under the knife!

the floor is all yours, mom. and, by the way, thank you for raising me on "goodnight, moon" instead.


Toni said...

i saw a blurb about this book, and it's almost hilarious, the concept that we have to write childrens books because apparently there are so many kids out there who dont recognize their mom when she comes back from "vacation" with a new nose and some butt-fat injected into her face.

rerobbi said...

WE ARE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GONNA BLOW!!! We need to write children's books on how to take deep breaths when you feel anger or hurt or anything REAL! I'D LIKE TO MEET THIS ARROGANT IDIOT DOCTOR!!!! Show him my cellulite and tell him to bite me!
We as adults have the blessing of teaching our children beauty. REAL BEAUTY. Beauty that comes from deep inside. It’s magic. Teach a child how to focus on their breath to allow them to be present and know they are pure. Say good nite to the moon and good morning to the sun so they know they are a part of a whole. Whenever you read something so blatantly ridiculous and become emotional about it remember to teach a child acceptance. Teach them how to have the skills to see beyond ignorance into beauty.

DesktopDavid said...

concept #1 - childrens books
purpose - development of reading skills

concept #2 - speaking with children
purpose - development of emotional & life skills

never should #1 be a substitute for #2

as a parent I recognize that we are greatly challenged to meet all the developmental needs of our children... as a father of a daughter w/ ED I am acutely aware of the consequence of my own inadequate communications... conversely, as her father I am grateful for her perseverance & wisdom, and for the lessons that I learn from her.

emmy. said...

rerobbi & desktopdavid = my parents :)

and i agree with both of you, for the most part.

if children are going to be learning reading skills, they should be reading something of value. they learn from what they read, which is the point, exactly.
dad, of course, is also right... reading should never be a substitute for discussing sensitive topics with your children, but reading materials could and should certainly be used in congruence with talking to them about subjects that encourage emotional growth.

Michelle said...

I didn't think you were serious about this book. when I have free time I am going to have to blog about this.....oH my

Rachel said...

...i think your beautiful mommy knows what she's talking about. and i decided to comment, because i think i've heard her say that before too, lol :).

Colin said...

I was raised on "The Paper Bag Princess." FTW. You'd love it.

Brittany said...

oh. em. gee.

you are kidding right? you've GOTTA be kidding.

i think. i am going. to throw up.

what is this world coming to? i am SO ashamed of it. so ashamed.